An Investigation of Modern Usuals
by AnjaLangdon
Summary: Britta and Jeff need to spend some alone time togther, and where else but the mall to fufil their need. But during their relaxtion, a couple of certain human beings cross paths with them.


**An Investigation of Modern Usual's**

"Hey! Wait up!" Britta panted, as she ran up to Jeff. He turned around and his eyes immediately lit up.

"Hey Britta!" He exclaimed as he hugged her. It's been a while since they've had some alone time and the mall was a perfect place to meet up.

"It really stinks that the rest of the study group was busy. Typical though, because I have the worst luck." Britta laughed at the coincidences as Jeff nervously chuckled. Jeff had made sure that all the others had plans because he needed serious alone time with Britta for once.

"So…how are you and Troy getting along?" Jeff tried to sound happy for them, but he just couldn't. Troy didn't even compare to Britta in wits, looks, or anything. Britta deserved someone truly special, not someone who only thinks their special.

Britta bit her lip nervously. This was the question she was hoping wouldn't be asked. "W-well he never leaves Abed's side, so I don't know how he really feels." She sheepishly admitted, but Jeff just gave her a condescending look. Britta blew air out of her cheeks and admitted, "Fine. He isn't fun or funny and all he does is joke about immature things and I can't do anything about it but sarcastically laugh. One time, I brought vodka in a water bottle to his apartment and every time he said something either not funny or immature is take a sip and by the end of the night I was _wasted_. Jeff, I don't know what to do."

In his head, Jeff smirked and though _Trouble in paradise_, but masked his satisfaction with a frown and sympathy. "I know what you mean. It's kind of the same with Annie but opposite. She's so young, but acts so old but in an unappealable way. She won't get drunk, but she'll watch a movie marathon. But then she won't laugh at a movie sign that says 'Spy Kids, Knocked Up, Pokémon'" (Britta sniggered) "But then she'll talk about important shit that I really don't care about. It's truly a lose-lose situation."

Britta understood his pain; they were going through the same thing. Everyone was right when they said they were the same.

"What do you want for lunch?" Jeff asked, not knowing any vegetarian places around the mall. Britta contemplated, but decided,

"I feel bad that everyone makes food decisions based on me. You can decide and I'll find something I like. And before you disagree, I can always take meat off something." Jeff smiled at her, _this_ is the reason he fell for her, not her looks but her selflessness. Then he did a double take in his mind, where the hell did that come from? There wasn't anything between them.

"How about Chiles? They'll definitely have vegetarian stuff and I want a good salad." Britta agreed and they slowly sauntered down to the other side of the mall, making small talk.

"Is it just me or does that woman look familiar?" Britta questioned as they passed a woman dressed in a blue power suit selling vitamin water. Jeff nearly choked on oxygen. It was that mom from his first year- the woman he banged. Twice.

"Holy shit! That's the schmitties mom! I dare you to go up to her and say that you miss what you two have!" Britta snorted, choking on laughter as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Only if you'll do a dare in return." Jeff jested, thinking she would be up for it. But Britta agreed, because nothing could be funnier than a senior in college talking to a 50 year old woman, right?

All that was going through Jeff's head when he walked up to that mom was 'What can I do to Britta?', and before he knew it, he was next to Fraken-mom.

"Hi! Would you like to order Amino Spa? It's vitamin water that'll give you as much energy as a regular sports drink. I thank Amino Spa for my wonderfully fit bod- hey, do I know you?" She recited in her nasal voice before looking into Jeff's eyes. Jeff took a deep breath and gave her a sultry look, widening his eyes.

"I don't know if you remember, but we met two years ago in college. Shantal, you were the light of my life and now that Mark is off to college, we should really try this. I don't know if you know this, but you were my first." Jeff lied through his teeth, and had to suppress his laughter. Britta, on the other hand, was having the time of her life watching Shantal or whatever her name was blush as Jeff hit on her. Then, a genius plan came to her.

Britta stormed up to Jeff and stroked his arm, "Baby, I thought you were getting me a vit-a-min water? You know we're supposed to hydrate every hour since the baby's coming!" Shantal stood in awe as she handed Britta two waters.

"Thanks lady! Jeff, give the woman some money. She can put it in her retirement fund!" Britta laughed as she pushed his shoulder. Jeff's cheeks gained color as he apologized to Shantal for his actions and paid. The look on her face was so hilarious that Britta actually took a picture. Jeff came storming her way and fumed,

"I hate you! I was doing perfectly fine seducing her myself and then you ran in and now she's all embarrassed and-oh my god. I don't know if I love you or hate you." Britta grinned as his voice changed from bitter to giddy, and added, "Did you like when I called her old? I can't believe you fucked her twice."

Jeff twitched at the word fucked. He didn't like that word, it was too casual. But at the same time, made love is too passionate and he did _not_ feel that way about Shantal.

"Ready for your dare?" Jeff raised his eyebrows, knowing the perfect dare for her. Britta stuck her face in his, "Am I ever.", and laughed. Jeff joined in, and then in all seriousness said, "I dare you to-"

"W-w-wait. Before you say it I have two rules. No swearing in front of kids and nothing sexual. Got it?" Britta cut him off, making sure he knew that she had standards.

Jeff sarcastically sighed and fake complained, "Damnit now I can't make you go into Toys R Us saying you're having a screaming orgasm. No but seriously this is way worse. You are going to call Chang and tell him to hang out with us and every time you see a photo booth you will have to drag all three of us in."

Britta opened her mouth in protest, but Jeff just put his finger on her lips and taunted, "I'm not breaking any rules." Britta stuck her tongue out at him and called Chang.

"Ring-ring hello!"  
"Hey Chang do you want to come to the mall with me and Jeff?"  
"Britta you're an idiot it's Jeff and I not me and Jeff. Where'd you go to pre-school, Wisconsin?"  
"Actually your mom taught me."  
"Dude, not cool!"  
"What's not cool is you saying 'dude not cool'."  
"I'll be there in 20 minutes. "  
And with that Chang hung up.

"Way to steal my line with the 'dude not cool' thing." Jeff snickered as a Britta blushed.

"Hey can we go into a store wicked quick? I need to get something for a…a friend." Britta mumbled, not wanting to cause any attention to herself.

"Sure…?" Replied Jeff skeptically. Britta led them to a men's underwear store and Jeff's eyes widened the moment he stepped in.

"Exactly who are you shopping for?" Jeff asked, appalled. Britta bit the inside of her lip, "It's a secret." They went up to the register and Britta bought corduroy boxer briefs.

Ten minutes later they met Chang at Chiles and they all had a quite enjoyable lunch, although Chang yelled at their waitress every time she came around and he chewed his food louder than a cow. Both Britta and Jeff wanted to order a Caribbean salad, so they split a full size one.

"Aww look at the love doves. Soon enough they'll have a little baby in between them eating organic carrots." Chang said randomly and uncalled for with his mouth full of greasy steak.

"First of all, chew with your mouth closed; you look like a maniac. Second of all, I'm never having kids. You're not allowed to drink coffee whilst pregnant; I would never survive." Britta explained to Chang as he wiped the grease off his face.

"Whatever you say, _mom. _I swear, you act unintentionally like the parents of the study group but you two truly are. Except dads aren't supposed to be hot." Chang commented as he picked his teeth with his dirty fingers. Jeff raised an eyebrow,

"Did you just call me hot, Chang?" Chang choked on his finger and quickly denied it.

"Uh how about we go into the mall?" He nervously said as Britta and Jeff gave him a sideways glance. They nodded, but were still suspicious that Chang was still insane.

As they walked down the malls hallways, Britta spotted a photo booth and remembered the stupid dare. "Hey Chang, let's all get photos together!" She tried to sound happy, but it came out forced.

Chang scrunched his nose, "Photo booths aren't my thing." Britta smiled and faked sadness, "Oh darn it Jeff! I guess I can't force him to do anything." Jeff snickered and whispered in her ear, "Do the karaoke thing with him or I'll tell him you had an erotic sex dream about him."

Britta gaped at Jeff and forcefully slapped him on the face. But there was no way she was losing this bet. "C'mon Chang, lets sing a song together!" Britta said enthusiastically, and Chang clapped.

"Stay here, I'll go get the real Chang and tell him about it!" He said happily and ran off to the bathroom. Jeff and Britta stood in the middle of the mall befuddled, but then remember that he was crazy as fuck.

Chang tried to hold Britta's hand as they walked into the small karaoke store, but Britta ended up crossing her arms to avoid it.

"Oooh Chang! There are so many choices!" Britta was talking to Chang like a four year old, because he had an attention span equivalent to a squirrel. Chang tsked his tongue and pointed to a record.

"We're doing this one." He told the manager. Britta looked pained as the manager led them into a green screened room while Jeff waited outside, recording it all. The guitar started playing in the background and Britta sneakily gave Jeff the middle finger, and he saw and started to laugh. Britta breathed in slowly and started to sing.

"Just a city girl  
Livin' in a lonely world  
On a midnight train going  
anywhere"

Chang counted himself in and sung in the most off-tune, high-pitched voice possible,

"Just a city boot  
Born and raised in south Detroit  
Riding on a midnight train going  
Anywhere"

From there on, Chang took the reins of the whole number and sung his little heart out. Britta's ears were practically bleeding when he finally finished, but he tried his best. Jeff was wiping away tears of laughter when they finally came out and noted, "You guys should do this once a week, Britta's voice is a perfect match to Chang's."

Britta mentally flipped him off, but Chang said, "I prefer a higher voice like Shirley. Speaking of which, I need to go to her house so I can watch Ben from a window. I'll see you guys on Monday." Chang waved, dropped to his knees, and crawled out of the mall.

By now, Jeff and Britta weren't surprise of anything he did. Jeff but the inside if his cheek and asked her,

"Do you want to come to my apartment now? I mean if you're done with your shopping and I'm assuming you took the bus." He stammered out and Britta beamed inside and out.

"Of course I took the bus, and I'll only go to your place if you have beer." She retorted faux pompously. They both laughed and went to his car.

At Jeff's apartment, talking died down between the two so much that the only sounds were the occasional sound of a slurped beer can and a woman on t.v complaining about how she forgot two of her coupons at home. Britta twiddled her thumbs and looked at the ground,

"Jeff? I-I mean we-well. What the fuck are we Jeff? As much as I'd love to be your friend, I can't. I'm too attracted to you to become your friend and I can't not be your friend. But I don't want to be labeled as a couple. I don't know what I want Jeff. What do you want?"

It was Jeff's turn to be nervous. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but didn't know how to form the words.

"Britta, two years ago all we did is fucked. And you know how much I hate that word, but that's what we did. There was no emotions, other than lust. While we were having the fucking time of our life, all we were doing is having sex. I don't want that any more. W-well I want the sex, but I don't want to label it as fucking. I want to label it with more passion. Maybe not enough emotion to call each other 'honey' or 'baby' but enough so that I know that I would never have to risk thinking you're with another guy."

As much as Britta would hate to admit it, Jeff's speech almost brought a tear to her eye. Nobody had ever cared that much about her, and it was a great feeling. She decided to finally admit to something. "Jeff, you're the only person I've had sex with since Vaughn. And I know that isn't exactly an achievement, but you're the person I've had sex the most with I'm pretty sure. And I bought those boxers for you, because I missed your birthday. And because I knew it would end up like this, us confessing everything to each other because that's what we do. We compete, we argue, we admit, we fuck- uh have sex. It's a cycle, and I love it Jeff."

It felt so good to have that all lifted off her chest, and soon they were making out just like they were on Troy's birthday forever ago. It's hot, sloppy, but had meaning. They're not drunk, it's not an accident, it's on purpose and they have a reason. Jeff caresses her face and sucks a little on her neck.

Britta lets out a moan and starts stripping, and soon enough they're in the bedroom. They're not fucking, they're having sex. It's meaningful, and as they lay back in bed only one thing pops into Britta's mind.

"How the fuck are we going to tell this to the study group?"

Thanks for reading! I know it isn't that good, but I was bored :). I don't own any rights to Journey or Amino Spa or Chiles or Community or any other company I might've mentioned.


End file.
